i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
