im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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