i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
