whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize