that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Couch. On fire.
Congratulations! We have a period
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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