Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
