I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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