My cat gives me a boner
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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