5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
