New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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