are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
