We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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