she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
