I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
