I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
