I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
