I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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