Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
