We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
