I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
