So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
