Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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