I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
