If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
