I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
