Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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