so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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