Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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