flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize