I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
