so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
