i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
