you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
