Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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