yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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