Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
