I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
