i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
