I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
