all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
