you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
