it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
