fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
