LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
