My balls are so social today.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
