so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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