i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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