Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
