So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
