If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
