He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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