I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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