you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
