I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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