Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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