the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
