I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
