I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
