That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
