Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize