My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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