We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
