Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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